Dear Potential Future Daughter-In-Law

 

I was in the coffee shop today, sitting across the table from this handsome and earnest young man, when I was inspired to write this letter. We came to work on his resume and perfect his cover letter so that he could land that entry level position after completing his education and becoming a licensed Vet Tech last fall. We were surrounded by young women, sipping coffee, scrolling on their phones or typing on laptops, in groups of two and three, and each completely oblivious to the presence of this young man; the man of the dreams that they don't even fully understand right now. 

Dear Potential Future Daughter-In-Law,

Find the nice guys. They are going to be the ones who you want to be with in the end, trust me. The bad boys may seem appealing now, but they will always be bad boys and they will hurt you, repeatedly. If you’re looking for someone to be in it for the long haul with, look for the young man who treats you respectfully and like the precious and beloved person you were raised to be.

He may be quiet or even socially awkward and he may not appear confident because of this. But chances are that he’s far more confident than the puffed up, arrogant, jackass who seems attractive to you right now. He will probably not even be the one to approach you first. He has far too much respect for you to think he’s even in your league. You may have to be the one to make the first move, but it will be worthwhile and you’ll always have that story to share at dinner parities and to tell to your future kids. 

He will likely have deep affection for his parents and will value his family. This will make him the kind of father that you will want for your future kids. It doesn’t make him a mama’s boy, it makes him sensitive and connected, in a healthy way. The kid who is trash talking his parents and saying, “f@©k the establishment,” may seem weirdly radical and exciting in this moment, but believe me when I tell you that he’s not the man your future self will want making decisions that impact the well-being of your family. And his lack of respect for authority will eventually destroy every relationship he has. It will.

Talk to the understated young man who took the time and made the effort to better himself through education or training that would provide more income stability. He may not have much experience with dating because he was focused on his future for a while and he may not be flashy and able to sweep you off of your feet, but who told that you shouldn’t remain firmly on your feet in a relationship anyway? That other guy, the one who says all the "right things," who has been around the block a few times…it’s only a matter of time before he’s bored and he’s moving onto the next block and saying those things to another unsuspecting young lady. 

Look for the guy who isn’t driving the fancy car or wearing the expensive clothing because he’s probably more concerned with saving his money and building his future than he is with appearing impressive. He’s the responsible one. He’s got a plan, and things like providing for a future family and buying a home are more important to him than they are to that pretty boy sitting behind the wheel of a flashy sports car. In fact, he’s probably even thought about things that seem so distant...like retirement and how to enable his wife to be home with their kids instead of at work and daycare, if that’s what she wants. And he’s spent time thinking of these important things before he’s even gotten a job or gone to school. He’s the guy you want in your life when you’re old and earned the right to be comfortable in life. He’s the one who won’t leave you alone to fend for yourself after you’ve given him everything of yourself.

Lastly, this guy, the respectful, kind, stable, and responsible young man I’ve been describing, he does not need you to be flashy and fake either. In fact, he doesn’t want you to be. He prefers the natural beauty that comes from being an empathic and genuinely caring person. He won’t be looking at the girls with their tight clothes and all their things popping out all over the place because he’ll only have eyes for you. He will be attracted to your honesty, your devotion, your kindness to others, to the things that make you a good person, not things that make you a trophy. But the funny thing is that you will feel like a trophy because he will cherish you and love you like you never imagined you deserved to be cherished and loved. And that will guarantee that I too will care for you deeply. We will be great friends!

With love,

Your Potential Future Mother-in-law