Being that May is NF Awareness month, and the awareness campaign coming out of the Children's Tumor Foundation this year is "NF is," I have posted my interpretations, along with some factual information, on my Facebook page. This is a compilation of all of my posts for anyone who missed them or isn't on Facebook at all.
We started the month just fresh from an MRI, which revealed new tumor growth in Jesse's spine. The upside is that he isn't experiencing any symptoms which would require intervention at this time. The downside is that new tumors are new tumors and we will have to monitor them and be terrified of what they could become.
During the course of the month, a beautiful, 8 year old little girl with NF1, was snatched away from her family very suddenly. I cry everyday when I read her beloved mother's posts, which she writes in conversation with the daughter whose hair she should still be brushing and whose body she should still be snuggling. She passed on Mother's Day, of all days to lose a child, this particular mother will never again have the wherewithal to celebrate that sacred day.
Jesse Sorman had an amazing first day of NF Awareness month with a $1000 donation, made anonymously by someone I went to high school with, to his personal fundraising page! I got all choked up this morning when I opened my email and saw the notification. We are so thankful for every donation that gets us closer to finding effective treatments that will make Jesse's future with this progressive tumor disorder more manageable. Thank you, you know who you are!
#EndNF
NF is...unpredictable
We never know what each day will bring. Each time Jesse shows me a new lump or tells me about a new pain, my heart sinks to the bottom of my chest while I smile reassuringly and tell him, "It's probably nothing, but let's get it checked out." I stay in this state of panic and worry until we see the specialist in question and HE/SHE reassures ME or doesn't. One day, too soon, Jesse will carry this burden of worry and uncertainty alone. For now, I carry it for him.
#EndNFWe never know what each day will bring. Each time Jesse shows me a new lump or tells me about a new pain, my heart sinks to the bottom of my chest while I smile reassuringly and tell him, "It's probably nothing, but let's get it checked out." I stay in this state of panic and worry until we see the specialist in question and HE/SHE reassures ME or doesn't. One day, too soon, Jesse will carry this burden of worry and uncertainty alone. For now, I carry it for him.
NF is..Perseverance
Most kids with NF have the added challenge of learning disabilities (60%). They require ongoing neuropsychological evaluation throughout their education careers and often have Individualized Education Plans (IEP), which provide accommodations and modifications to their lessons.
As you can see, from his middle school biography artwork, Jesse has not let this struggle define him. The words that are the largest: Animal Lover, NYY Fan, Likes Tacos, are the things that he feels most accurately describe him. The words that are the smallest: have NF, have screws in my knee and legs are different lengths are the least important descriptors.
Although he has always had to work harder, study longer, go to summer school and relearn the same concepts repetitively, Jesse has never let his disabilities hold him back. As a high school Sophomore this year, Jesse made the honor role for the first time! That is what I call perseverance! #EndNF
Most kids with NF have the added challenge of learning disabilities (60%). They require ongoing neuropsychological evaluation throughout their education careers and often have Individualized Education Plans (IEP), which provide accommodations and modifications to their lessons.
As you can see, from his middle school biography artwork, Jesse has not let this struggle define him. The words that are the largest: Animal Lover, NYY Fan, Likes Tacos, are the things that he feels most accurately describe him. The words that are the smallest: have NF, have screws in my knee and legs are different lengths are the least important descriptors.
Although he has always had to work harder, study longer, go to summer school and relearn the same concepts repetitively, Jesse has never let his disabilities hold him back. As a high school Sophomore this year, Jesse made the honor role for the first time! That is what I call perseverance! #EndNF
NF is...Passion
We each find our separate ways to express our passion about NF. If you are Annette Bakker, President and Chief Scientific Officer of Children's Tumor Foundation, you drive research that will change the statement, "no treatments, no cure," to "good treatments, cured for future generations."
If you're a parent, like I am, you post things on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram every single day. You hold fundraising events, organize Walks, attend forums and summits and councils. You get a giant tattoo on your forearm, even though you know that middle class, suburban Moms don't normally do so, just in the hopes that someone, somewhere, will ask you about it. You would proselytize from the street corners, if you thought it would make a difference, at the risk of looking like a loon. You would do anything. And that is the message that Elizabeth and Jake Burke convey in this video about the foundation they started to accomplish all of these things and more. #EndNF
Please take a moment to watch. It is beautifully done, heartfelt and empowering. Today they are waiting for the results of Jack's first MRI since starting chemotherapy for a brainstem glioma; sitting on hopes and prayers that the growth has halted and even better, that there is shrinkage.
Cure NF With Jack Video
We each find our separate ways to express our passion about NF. If you are Annette Bakker, President and Chief Scientific Officer of Children's Tumor Foundation, you drive research that will change the statement, "no treatments, no cure," to "good treatments, cured for future generations."
If you're a parent, like I am, you post things on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram every single day. You hold fundraising events, organize Walks, attend forums and summits and councils. You get a giant tattoo on your forearm, even though you know that middle class, suburban Moms don't normally do so, just in the hopes that someone, somewhere, will ask you about it. You would proselytize from the street corners, if you thought it would make a difference, at the risk of looking like a loon. You would do anything. And that is the message that Elizabeth and Jake Burke convey in this video about the foundation they started to accomplish all of these things and more. #EndNF
Please take a moment to watch. It is beautifully done, heartfelt and empowering. Today they are waiting for the results of Jack's first MRI since starting chemotherapy for a brainstem glioma; sitting on hopes and prayers that the growth has halted and even better, that there is shrinkage.
Cure NF With Jack Video
NF is...Responsibility
The Chosen Mothers by Erma Bombeck
Most women become a mother by accident,
some by choice and a few by habit. Did you ever wonder how mother's of children with life threatening illnesses are chosen?Somehow, I visualize God hovering over earth selecting His instruments for progagation with great care and deliberation. As He observes, He instructs His angels to make notes in a giant ledger.......
"Armstrong, Beth, son, patron saint Matthew" Forrest, Marjorie, daughter, patron saint Cecilia "Rutledge, Carrie, twins, partron saint Greard."
Finally, He passes a name to an angel and says,
"Give her a child with cancer." The angel is curious.
"Why this one, God? She's so happy."
"Exactly," smiles God, "Could I give a child with cancer a mother who does not know laughter?
That would be cruel."
"But, does she have patience?" asks the angel,
"I don't want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair.
Once the shock and resentment
wears off,she will handle it."
I watched her today," said God.
"She has that feeling of self-independence that is so rare and necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give her has it's own world.
She has to make it live in her world and that's not going to be easy."But Lord, I don't think she believes in you," said the angel.
"No matter, I can fix that.
This one is perfect.
She has just enough selfishness."
The angel gasps, "Selfishness?
Is that a virtue?"
God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she'll never survive. Yes, here is the woman I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied.
She will never take anything her child does for granted.
She will never consider a single step ordinary. I will permit her to see clearly the things I see....ignorance,cruelty, prejudice....
and allow her to rise above them.
"And what about her patron saint" asks the angel,
his pen poised in mid-air.
God smiles and says...
"A mirror will suffice
Happy Mother's Day to all of the "chosen" mothers. #EndNF
The Chosen Mothers by Erma Bombeck
Most women become a mother by accident,
some by choice and a few by habit. Did you ever wonder how mother's of children with life threatening illnesses are chosen?Somehow, I visualize God hovering over earth selecting His instruments for progagation with great care and deliberation. As He observes, He instructs His angels to make notes in a giant ledger.......
"Armstrong, Beth, son, patron saint Matthew" Forrest, Marjorie, daughter, patron saint Cecilia "Rutledge, Carrie, twins, partron saint Greard."
Finally, He passes a name to an angel and says,
"Give her a child with cancer." The angel is curious.
"Why this one, God? She's so happy."
"Exactly," smiles God, "Could I give a child with cancer a mother who does not know laughter?
That would be cruel."
"But, does she have patience?" asks the angel,
"I don't want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair.
Once the shock and resentment
wears off,she will handle it."
I watched her today," said God.
"She has that feeling of self-independence that is so rare and necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give her has it's own world.
She has to make it live in her world and that's not going to be easy."But Lord, I don't think she believes in you," said the angel.
"No matter, I can fix that.
This one is perfect.
She has just enough selfishness."
The angel gasps, "Selfishness?
Is that a virtue?"
God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she'll never survive. Yes, here is the woman I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied.
She will never take anything her child does for granted.
She will never consider a single step ordinary. I will permit her to see clearly the things I see....ignorance,cruelty, prejudice....
and allow her to rise above them.
"And what about her patron saint" asks the angel,
his pen poised in mid-air.
God smiles and says...
"A mirror will suffice
Happy Mother's Day to all of the "chosen" mothers. #EndNF
NF is...Uncertainty
"NF1 is a progressive disorder, which means most symptoms will worsen over time, although a small number of people may have symptoms that remain constant. It isn’t possible to predict the course of an individual’s disorder. In general, most people with NF1 will develop mild to moderate symptoms. Most people with NF1 have a normal life expectancy. Neurofibromas on or under the skin can increase with age and cause cosmetic and psychological issues."
This is what the doctors tell us as newly diagnosed families. I suppose this is supposed to offer us comfort. However, when this disclosure is followed by a baseline MRI and "routine" visits with a variety of specialists to "rule out" a stream of seemingly endless possibilities, it isn't ease to feel any level of comfort whatsoever.
There are many who live with NF who never develop serious manifestations. In fact, I've met more than a few who have lived without the knowledge of having the disorder until they have passed it on to a child who has more severe complications.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, there is the reality of those who are affected in a way that challenges our collective ability understand God's plan. Sometimes, the child struggles from the beginning of her life and then there are those who have minimal affect until that one tumor that changes everything.
As a parent of a precious child, whose future holds such profound uncertainty, I can barely breathe even writing these words.
Research can change the current level of uncertainty. If treatments can be found, we can all rest a bit easier and fear the future less. #EndNF
"NF1 is a progressive disorder, which means most symptoms will worsen over time, although a small number of people may have symptoms that remain constant. It isn’t possible to predict the course of an individual’s disorder. In general, most people with NF1 will develop mild to moderate symptoms. Most people with NF1 have a normal life expectancy. Neurofibromas on or under the skin can increase with age and cause cosmetic and psychological issues."
This is what the doctors tell us as newly diagnosed families. I suppose this is supposed to offer us comfort. However, when this disclosure is followed by a baseline MRI and "routine" visits with a variety of specialists to "rule out" a stream of seemingly endless possibilities, it isn't ease to feel any level of comfort whatsoever.
There are many who live with NF who never develop serious manifestations. In fact, I've met more than a few who have lived without the knowledge of having the disorder until they have passed it on to a child who has more severe complications.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, there is the reality of those who are affected in a way that challenges our collective ability understand God's plan. Sometimes, the child struggles from the beginning of her life and then there are those who have minimal affect until that one tumor that changes everything.
As a parent of a precious child, whose future holds such profound uncertainty, I can barely breathe even writing these words.
Research can change the current level of uncertainty. If treatments can be found, we can all rest a bit easier and fear the future less. #EndNF
NF is...Misunderstood
"Children with NF1 experience more problems with social skills, anxiety, depression, and aggressive behavior compared to normative means and unaffected siblings on the Child Behavior Checklist" (CBCL; Barton & North, 2004; Johnson, Saal, Lovell, & Schorry, 1999).
In addition, our children can have a variety of disfiguring and often painful conditions, such as Plexiform tumors, Optic Pathway Gliomas, Scoliosis, tibial bowing and chronic migraines. These, coupled with the non-verbal learning disabilities of immature social skills, difficulty reading social cues and taking the perspective of another person, attention and focus issues as well as rumination and perseveration, can result in social isolation.
To put it simply, our kids aren't getting many birthday party invitations and in the later years, they are spending a lot of time alone.
Although my son seems happy enough by himself, I can't help but want more for him. His siblings all lead typically busy social lives and have rules and curfews that will likely never apply to him. The one good friend he had was very similar to him socially and they really seemed to understand one another. But 8 months ago we moved 500 miles away from that one good friend and since then, he hasn't asked or been asked to hang out with anyone even once.
Every adult who meets my son finds him delightful, so why is the perspective so different among his peers? His sister reports that he has a few friends that he sits with at lunch, so at least my vision of him alone at an otherwise empty table is dispelled. He's so kind, caring and sincerely concerned for others, how can these traits not appeal to the other kids? Why is he so misunderstood?
As parents of kids with NF, we already have too many concerns; worrying about their happiness and companionship is just the icing on the cake. We have made a conscientious effort to surround our son with others in the NF community in the hopes that he will always have a place where he fits in just right. Being a teenager comes with its own set of challenges; imagine going back in time and adding physical and social/emotional burdens to all of those pre-existing insecurities. It's a little too much to process, isn't it? #EndNF
"Children with NF1 experience more problems with social skills, anxiety, depression, and aggressive behavior compared to normative means and unaffected siblings on the Child Behavior Checklist" (CBCL; Barton & North, 2004; Johnson, Saal, Lovell, & Schorry, 1999).
In addition, our children can have a variety of disfiguring and often painful conditions, such as Plexiform tumors, Optic Pathway Gliomas, Scoliosis, tibial bowing and chronic migraines. These, coupled with the non-verbal learning disabilities of immature social skills, difficulty reading social cues and taking the perspective of another person, attention and focus issues as well as rumination and perseveration, can result in social isolation.
To put it simply, our kids aren't getting many birthday party invitations and in the later years, they are spending a lot of time alone.
Although my son seems happy enough by himself, I can't help but want more for him. His siblings all lead typically busy social lives and have rules and curfews that will likely never apply to him. The one good friend he had was very similar to him socially and they really seemed to understand one another. But 8 months ago we moved 500 miles away from that one good friend and since then, he hasn't asked or been asked to hang out with anyone even once.
Every adult who meets my son finds him delightful, so why is the perspective so different among his peers? His sister reports that he has a few friends that he sits with at lunch, so at least my vision of him alone at an otherwise empty table is dispelled. He's so kind, caring and sincerely concerned for others, how can these traits not appeal to the other kids? Why is he so misunderstood?
As parents of kids with NF, we already have too many concerns; worrying about their happiness and companionship is just the icing on the cake. We have made a conscientious effort to surround our son with others in the NF community in the hopes that he will always have a place where he fits in just right. Being a teenager comes with its own set of challenges; imagine going back in time and adding physical and social/emotional burdens to all of those pre-existing insecurities. It's a little too much to process, isn't it? #EndNF
NF is...Demanding
Sometimes the demands of NF pull us away from other responsibilities: work, events, home and, yes, even our other children. I blogged about this a few months ago, and in honor of my youngest daughter's birthday today, I felt this would be a good day to re-share that post. #EndNF
Me Too Blog
Sometimes the demands of NF pull us away from other responsibilities: work, events, home and, yes, even our other children. I blogged about this a few months ago, and in honor of my youngest daughter's birthday today, I felt this would be a good day to re-share that post. #EndNF
Me Too Blog
NF...Sucks!
It sometimes sucks the energy out of us.
It often sucks the joy from our hearts.
It sucks the childhood from our children
And from time to time, it even sucks our hope and our faith away and knocks us to our knees not knowing where to go from there.
This week, NF sucked another young life away; an 8 year old life, and right now it is sucking away her parents' will to carry on.
Dedicated to the family of Nicole on the day after they laid their baby to rest. #EndNF
It sometimes sucks the energy out of us.
It often sucks the joy from our hearts.
It sucks the childhood from our children
And from time to time, it even sucks our hope and our faith away and knocks us to our knees not knowing where to go from there.
This week, NF sucked another young life away; an 8 year old life, and right now it is sucking away her parents' will to carry on.
Dedicated to the family of Nicole on the day after they laid their baby to rest. #EndNF
NF is...Spreading awareness wherever I go. #EndNF
NF is...Proactivity
Learning disabilities are a common problem in children with neurofibromatosis type 1 (NF1). Over half of children with NF1 have difficulty with academic performance, which can cause them to repeat a grade in school. A learning disability can be thought of as a short circuit or problem (dysfunction) in one or several of channels in the brain. Dysfunction in any of these channels can make it harder for a child to perform up to their potential. (http://nfcenter.wustl.edu/what-is-nf/learning-disabilities-and-attention-deficits/)
A tumor of the nerve to the eye, called optic glioma, often emerges in early childhood, sometimes causing painful bulging of the eye and loss of vision as well as affecting pituitary hormone secretion. These types of optic gliomas are diagnosed by CT or MRI scanning and are generally responsive to radiation treatment or chemotherapy. However, it is not uncommon to find evidence by CT or MRI scan of thickening of the optic nerve in children with NF1 who manifest no outward signs or symptoms of optic glioma. These cases rarely progress to a point of requiring treatment, but all children with NF1 should have annual ophthalmologic exams to insure early diagnosis of optic glioma. (http://www.understandingnf1.org/exp/int_exp_wci.html)
In both cases, early diagnosis is key to successful intervention. As the mother of a son with NF1 and learning disabilities, and the wife of a Neuropsychologist, I am often disappointed to hear that it is not standard practice to recommend Neuropsychological evaluation early and continually in children with NF1. Jesse has been evaluated, by a board certified neuropsychologist, every three years from the age of 18 months. I attribute his academic success, despite the presence of global learning challenges, to early intervention, consistent supportive therapies and aggressive advocacy in all areas of his life. He ALWAYS exceeds our expectations and his intellectual growth under these circumstances has astounded us.
That being said, I am a mother of a child with disabilities; I have concerns for his future. I worry that he will not fulfill his dream of becoming a Veterinary Technician. I am concerned that he will not have an income potential necessary to support the family that he envisions having. At 12 years old, Jesse asked me how much money he would need to make so that his wife could stay home to take care of their children. What I do not doubt is that he will work harder than most to achieve his goals. He discovered early on that learning is more difficult for him, but he never lets that hold him back.
When he was very young, the local neurologist (not an NF specialist), did not recommend baseline MRI. He told us that he would order an MRI if our toddler started showing signs of neurological deficits (bumping into things more than usual, falling down, dragging a leg or having seizures, among other things). It wasn't until he was 7 years old that we understood the importance of having him seen in a designated NF clinic and began driving him to the closest one, 5 hours away. The first thing our new neurologist did was order an MRI.
The results showed thickening of the optic nerve into the chiasm. We were anguished by this news, imagining that by not insisting on an earlier scan, we had put our son's health at risk. His regular ophthalmologic exams did not indicate nerve pallor. We were exceptionally lucky. Jesse's glioma remained mostly stable and never caused any vision loss or need for intervention.
I cannot express passionately enough, how important it is to have every child with this progressive tumor disorder seen by NF specialists in a clinic setting where his/her health care providers will be proactive. #EndNF
NF is...
We hope you can find inspiration to join our fight through this video created to raise funds and awareness for neurofibromatosis. #EndNF #R4R
Jesse's Racing4Research Fundraising page
We hope you can find inspiration to join our fight through this video created to raise funds and awareness for neurofibromatosis. #EndNF #R4R
Jesse's Racing4Research Fundraising page
Connie Brisson Sorman shared Jake Burke's status
NF is...Real
Real scary
Real people working hard to effect change
Real stories
Real families suffering
Real children and Real adults who deserve more answers
Real hope and Real Courage
Real life Heroes
Real people working hard to effect change
Real stories
Real families suffering
Real children and Real adults who deserve more answers
Real hope and Real Courage
Real life Heroes
Read about one of them below. #EndNF
At the end of this NF journey when we find a cure, my personal belief is that Dr. Bruce R. Korf will be the singularly most important reason for that cure IF we realistically could choose one person. As a desperate father who hours earlier was told that his son had NF, I scoured the internet to figure out who the top person was in the field and then email that person. It was Dr. Korf. I emailed him at 2 AM and HOPED I would hear from him soon. TWENTY MINUTES later I got a response to bring Jack to see him. At that point, I knew Jack was in good hands. I never told Bruce this story but I do today to celebrate him, his life's work and to thank him so very much. His "hero cape" is the real deal. F NF!
Connie Brisson Sorman shared April Anderson's photo.
5/18: We were in the Richmond paper today!
End of Part I
